Seizing the Day

So I woke up early again today (for a full week already, this must be some kind of mistake) and tromped down to RJC to be Cat's cheerleading squad at some fencing competition. I always thought fencing was a precise art of jab jab jab, parry and riposte, the equillibrium of thrust and parry and the attempts by the duelists to unbalance the equation, upset the perfect balance in their favour.

Once again, the fundamental truths of life leapt out of the fancy footing and swordplay. I noticed that not only were the larger stronger and faster more likely to win, they also tended to be the more aggressive ones. One particular fencer impressed me, because while she had the stature of a cow, she won all her matches in like under a minute, simply because SHE WAS ALWAYS THE ONE ATTACKING. The other poor girl could only react and try to fend off the attack, and the way I saw it, had no chance of winning whatsover under such a blistering assault.

Just like in WoW, the victors, more often than not, are the aggressive ones, who seize the initiative and move to secure a decisive advantage right from the get-go. When you're winning in Arathi Basin , you don't just sit there and camp at your happy 3 nodes, you want to just keep pummeling the opponent at his base so he can't even hit back. It's like when you have the initiative in VS. The Germans did it in WW2 too, which was why they were making such large gains at first.

We are all flawed humans, and consequently our defence will have flaws, the little situations we create and surround ourselves with have little holes where opportunity might be gained. It's nice to say that you can spot such a window and pounce on it, all the while playing the silent observer, but it seems to me that those who are always on the assault will sooner or later find their mark, the little chinks that they can exploit. And if it has to be a race between those sitting on their arses and those who are already up and running, my money isnt on the couch potatoes.

I mean its been beaten to death, the seize the day notion, but I just thought that this was proof that it really does apply in many situations in life. Being too comfortable is going to get you nowhere. No. Where.

Aggression, verve and drive, I guess I need to inject more of it into myself.





Knocking your head against a wall.

Hello everyone.

In the last couple weeks I've not been updating this sad excuse for a blog, and it is with great shame that I will have to say that it's not because I'm busy with work or anything of that sort. Rather, I've been spending a lot of time just thinking about life and its little complexities.

Never fear however, I think today's entry will be just a bit longer to let me sort out some of my thoughts.

I haven't been myself at all lately, been a sorry mess of restrained frustration and melancholic survivor. The results came back this week, and while I can't say I'm pleased with them entirely, the strangest thing was it seemed like they didn't really impact me at all. It was as if I heard thunder outside the window and thought. Yeah whatever.

I've reached a point where I just feel so drained emotionally I just seem incapable of feeling happy at all. Yeah sure, I've tried to combat this by going out every single day of the week, but it's not working well. Exercise works, but only that one hour that I'm relentlessly pounding the ground. Jam sessions are like panadol, they work for a couple hours, then the shit starts coming back with a bloody vengeance.

I guess that's the real reason why I'm not blogging at all. I don't think anyone wants to keep reading about me and my struggle against my own desires and their lack of fulfilment thereof, so I'm cutting down. But the problem is , I need an outlet to keep venting this trash, and so here I am, typing necessarily cryptic text to try to blow off some steam.

I still haven't found my answers, but somehow just writing about my turmoil makes me feel a little better for the moment. I guess rationalizing my irrational thoughts helps.

The shitty thing is I know what's coming, I've been here before. I'm just stepping into my old footprints. Again. And I'm still moving towards the same catastrophe. Again. Hurting myself the same way. Again. This is some kind of twisted deja vu.

Damn it. Damn it all.