Growing

I stumbled on these little gems.

http://www.chs.edu.sg/gep/orion/take01.htm
http://www.chs.edu.sg/gep/orion/extension/pic05.htm

Holy crap I sound like a f-tarded 14 year old...oh wait.

As Alec put it:

"the programme is already dead and buried and ur passage is really dull and boring and simple. cannot be"

Amazing how much people change eh?





Descendo

I don't know why, I think I'm falling into the same dark pit that I've crawled out from before. Or not. I think maybe a two year buffer has made me complacent and now the feeling's back to make up for lost time.

I just feel like I'm on my own bank on the river and everyone is on the other side. I try to bridge but I just can't. I don't know how, I don't know if I really can. I start to think about so many things that I just can't endure the voices in my head, the loudest which is my own. It's funny, I spent so much time by myself that now the loneliness and solitude is becoming unbearable. I don't know why I am suddenly feeling such pangs, considering I spent so many years just doing my own shit, walking my own road.

I'm fast going mad and so here I am writing to no one and everyone to try and get my mind away from it all. I'm feeling emotionally burnt-out, yet my body keeps plodding on to get my work accomplished, so much so that I feel like a mindless shell that moves in beat to schoolwork.
I'm alive but I'm not living.

I've been entertaining some really strange thoughts the past few days, doing some things the past few weeks that makes me think I'm really losing it. God help me, I think I'm actually really trying to kill myself subconciously. Now that I've realized it, I'm actually beginning to think about it CONCIOUSLY. You know what, that's scaring the shit out of me.

I'm probably not making any sense at all, but I'm not going to go back and read my stuff again, so fuck it. So many paragraphs beginning with I this time, I guess it's because I feel that there's no one else that can understand right now. Or maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't care anymore.

Maybe it's time to just put down everything, take a bow, and leave.





That Strange Urge

What's the feeling you call when you just spend an hour alone talking to someone you've met only a couple months ago and just spill everything you're thinking about onto the table without compunction, without holding back?

Naivete? Honesty? Something else?

Time to poll the audience!