Twist.

It was just another lazy day. The sun was bright. Too bright. The waves of heat rising from the hot tarmac was threatening to broil unlucky people alive. So what’s new? Just some typical, generic, run-out-of-the-mill day. If you believe that, you’ve don’t have much in the way of imagination.

In reality, on this day, a battle was being fought. It was neither for the fate of mankind nor the defense of the country. It was to relieve boredom.


Berlin, 1944.

14.30hrs: Entry to battlefield. The air is fresh, the sky is bright, and the polished metal of the Stg 44 shines in the sunlight like a fallen star. It is a good day to die.

14.31hrs: Our line advances. The first shots are fired. Not at the enemy. Some moron stands in front of me and stops. I attempt to kick his ass. Sadly, since friendly fire is off, the bullets rebound off his sorry ass. Damn. At this time, the enemy hears the gunshots and pumps ammunition in our general direction. What a great way to start a battle.

14.34hrs: The shots end abruptly. Miraculously, I’m still alive. So is this bloke called Alec and this other guy called Weili. Dirt never tasted so sweet.

14.35hrs: A gunshot. My last words: Bloody camper.

14.36hrs: Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel leads back to life. I pick up my new gun and get to work.

14.37hrs. The soviets are doing a pretty poor job at attacking the place. The german line advances towards the soviet chokepoint. At this time, The enemy’s dead is numbered in the hundreds. I throw a grenade and see 10 agent smiths flying up helplessly. Well. Not really. But there was some confusion in the soviet ranks. After all, when the guy next to you is catapulted ten feet up, you kinda lose your cool.

14.40hrs. Shit. I got killed 4 times. Luckily grenades kill 5 soviets each time before I succumb.

14.43hrs. Bang Bang Bang Boom boom boom.

14.50hrs. Killing Soviets gets boring.

15.00hrs. Finally the soviets get sick of dying and just give up. Woohoo Minor Victory. Final kill count: 369.

15.02hrs. I find myself in Stalingrad. Great. In a soviet uniform. It doesn’t get much better than this does it?

15.05hrs. Kill Kill Kill. Boom Bang.

15.15hrs. Enough already.

15.20hrs. I need a break

15.23hrs. Any more Germans and I’ll go mad.

15.24hrs. ARRRRGHHHHHHHH.

15.40hrs. At this point, the Alec, Weili and I decide to play CS.
________________________________________________________________________

Even playing games gets boring. CS?? Ah well. I proceed to get trashed, considering its 2 on 1. At least I got more kills than either of them. Scout is good. Small guns are good. MVP: Grenades. They were good in 1942. They’re still good now.

After 2 ½ hrs of madness, we stop playing. I mention that there’s a card shop upstairs and I want to grab one pack. At this point Alec grins, slaps me on the back and says “Sure. Go ahead.” Not understanding the mechanics of the whole thing, Weili wonders what’s so funny.

AN EXPLANATION OF WHAT’S SO FUNNY.

Ok for the uninitiated, Magic: the Gathering come in packs of 15. 11 commons, which are routinely consigned to the bin, 3 uncommons, worth a dollar or so if you’re lucky. And 1 rare. There are 55 rares in the Mirrodin set of cards. There are 25 dollar cards, 20 dollar cards, 9 dollar cards. Unfortunately, 99 percent of them are worth 1 dollar. Since each pack costs 4 dollars, its quite likely you’ll make a loss.

END EXPLANATION.

Despite Alec’s constant haranguing, I decide to pack anyway. He tells me if I should hope to get a Mind’s eye card and sell it to him for a buck. That way at least I’ll get some cash back.

Chi- “Well, hoping to get a 20 dollar card from a 4 dollar pack is called gambling.”
Alec-“No, its called wishful thinking.”
Chi- “What if I get Chrome Mox. 20 bucks.”
Alec-“That’ll never happen. I’ll go home and study if you get it.”
Chi- “Erm what does that have to do with me getting the bloody mox?”
Alec-“Just illustrating the relative impossibilities of both situations.”

So I hand over the four dollars to the nice lady at the counter. She got me a Platinum Angel ($8) and a Broodstar($8 and rising) the last time. And start praying. She hands me a nice shiny packet. I take a deep breath and slowly peel the wrapping away. I decide to do it the usual way. Commons first, then uncommons then rares. Hmm. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Ooops. My hopes go down the toilet. The uncommons. Crap. Crap. Shrapnel blast. Ok 1 buck. I count 2 cards left, so 1’s a foil common. I slowly move the blast aside…The card’s silver, bringing me some hope. The mox is silver. I read the first letter. Then the second letter. Then the whole title. And then I laughed myself breathless.

I showed it to Alec.

“CHROME MOX”

He stopped grinning instantly.

Suffice to say Alec is going to do a lot of studying this holidays.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Still laughing.