Walking the threshold.
How much can we take before we bend over to our inner rage? How much can we sublimate our feelings before they burst out in a riot of violence and anger?
That's the question I've been asking myself for the last couple months.
I know it might sound weird, but right now I'm walking this thin line between anger and clarity. To some extent, this might even be of my own doing. Walking that line, putting that toe across, sometimes gives you a rush of blood, a surge of focus and willpower. Maybe I like being almost-angry.
But then sometimes, I think back and remember what my inner demon has cost me, and I'm truthfully, scared out of my wits. It wasn't so long ago that lashing out at someone cost me her friendship. Was I the only one to blame? I think not, but I remember seeing this red haze and the next thing I knew, we stopped talking. It still rankles.
Should I take this risk then? To test the threshold of rage, to live life so dangerously?
I wish I knew. Life's complicated.
Chi Hou @ Sunday, August 26, 2007
