The Uncertain Future. "Fog in the eyes"
The Unwinding Path.
Dead Ends?

I really don't know what's gotten over me lately. Been wondering what's going to happen when we all step out of each others' lives. I mean 2 years worth of NS is going to be taxing on us all, but since many of us are going overseas and such, inevitably, links and bonds are going to fade, slowly.

It's this slow inexonerable doom that somehow comes upon me like a tremendous weight. The idealist and the pragmatist in me struggle every day because of the inevitably of this fact. Low wouldn't describe it. It's more like I have a certain weight that I can't remove from my back, that I carry every day till it tires me and I don't care anymore and just want to let it down. Then I tell myself I can't just give up and I just carry on like this. When one stops to care, one ceases to live, despite what I tell myself when it just seems like too much, sometimes. It's just that every day it gets harder and harder.

I got past my first period of apathy after watching Spiderman 2. Surprisingly, a movie help me realize some really important stuff. Things that made me said that I shall live each day feeling and caring, even if it hurts. Now I'm afraid that I'll slide back into the void. No feeling at all.

I'm really not sure why after all this time, I've not done anything about that one person. I know that I should. Everyone tells me I should or should have, but seeing how things worked out between other people I know, perhaps it was for the best after all. I'll probably never know, will I? Prelims are coming, soon she's going to walk out of my life forever. I just know that I miss her quite a fair bit. Sounds like a big claim even to me, but I do. Perhaps because the inevitability has set in, I'm feeling this feeling with an intensity I haven't felt before. But it all comes down to one thing.

Inevitability.

Dead Ends?










Fear, Confusion and Blatant Idiocy.

Quite a good day today. Went to play soccer with all the 4o people. Love doing that, and attendance was really quite good! Happy that we can stick together even with this horrible weight called "A" levels bearing down on us in bare weeks. Thanks to all for coming! And I'm really sorry about that towel Bondy.

Went to watch Fahrenheit with Mak Weili and Hian today. Quite a good show, lots of stuff that we already know, but surprisingly most Americans don't. It's frightening how ignorant and trusting many people are. Not that we shouldn't trust anyone, but trusting your leaders completely is idiocy. I was amazed at how many links Moore could find between Bush and the Arabs, and was quite sad at how people like you and me are dying every day in Iraq while rich white men sit at their desks and count their bankrolls. It's disgusting, and what's more disgusting is that many people agree with what they're doing! Downright depressing!

What really shook me was how astute one particular observation was. The people who are most deprived and enjoy the least in free society are the first ones to go out and die for it. Meanwhile, the elite sits safe at home, making even more war so they can make more money.

Maybe we should all get off our high horses and look at the sacrifices others make for us, unsung, unheralded and unappreciated.