I dreamt of you again last night.
I don't get emotional often, but everytime I dream of you I will wake up and find my pillow wet with tears. In the morning, I will tell myself that it never happened. I will lie to myself every time, while knowing the truth in my heart, for that is the man I am.
But this time, I couldn't. I couldn't leave the past behind, I couldn't leave you behind. I just didnt have the courage to anymore. Not enough resolve left to move on, or keep up my pretense.
It's very hard for me to admit this. I never wanted to talk or write about it. Even seeing the ghostly traces of your existence sends an aneurysm to my heart. Writing about it hurts like nothing else can. And so, I dredge up my pain and regrets as I commit this to writing.
I thought I said goodbye. In truth, there was so much more I wanted to tell you. So much more you didn't know, so much more I wanted you to understand. I speak those words softly to myself sometimes, hoping that you might hear them, somehow.
And while you will never know it, the memories of our better times still haunts me, and will haunt me for the rest of my days.
I miss you.
Please come back.
Chi Hou @ Thursday, September 06, 2007
