Yep, I somehow have time to update again today. Wow...I must be really free.. Or perhaps it's thanks to IVLE. Can get on the net quite a lot now =P.

Hmm... I'll start off lighthearted, as usual.
This is a song Xuan You and I were singing along to during assembly, when the IVLE thing came out... You know.. the Part where the guy sings I.V.L.E.... to the tune of Y.M.C.A
Well, just sing this along..

I M J T
I M J T
I'm gonna give u CS
Till you're damn Depressed.
And you never wanna see another canteen table again!

I M J T
I M J T
I can kick your ass.
Try me and I'll do the rest
And the lost and found is run by Miss Jennifer Tan.

Hahah so its not very good... but what do you expect. It's just morning assembly talk.. When you're frying in the heat...
Speaking of Morning assembly talk... The two general secretaries are stepping down... I thought they were pretty good. So I'm a little disappointed that they have to step down. But I was considerably impressed when they tried to make the last announcements interesting and unique...
I'm sure that the two new gen secs can do it. Esp Justin! You can do it man.

Anyway... IVLE sucks. You cant even right click so when something screws up...(your language encoding for example) you cant do anything about it. And the stupid thing recorded my answer wrongly or something... so I lost 2 marks in Math for no good reason at all. Ah well... Just hope it's not counted.

Hmm another random quote. Me and Jen were kinda like bitching about IVLE to each other. Somehow or rather we started talking about chem. And here's a quote.

"With a tutor like your Ooi and my Loo (I like how this sounds...), how can we pass?"-Jenson

That was pretty funny. Hahah and somehow I agree... With these two, my grades are gonna be flushed down the toilet bowl.(puns intended). I'm seriously thinking of getting a private tutor for chem...I tink its gonna be a sure drop subject otherwise...

Yep... anyway.

I was going to bitch abt my lousy class again...We were supposed to watch Reloaded today.. but we were one ticket short.... Guess who got the short straw. No prizes for correct answers. Somehow it always end up this way... Some guy has to bend the knee. Notice I said guy. I'm not an MCP... but I'm getting quite sick of this stuff.

So I'll bitch about cliques and school stereotypes instead.

The thing that makes me pause and wonder is the formation of cliques. Is it ok to form cliques? I mean having a few good friends who u talk to very often,say every day, is acceptable by most standards. But when you keep these people away from the class, is it ok? I mean sure I understand girls must form groups with a few people they can tell everything to, but is it healthy to keep people in the group from everyone else? I saw it happening twice in these 5 months. Now I feel my class aint got no spirit. I ran out of energy during the first term trying to glue people together.

Now I cant really be bothered to try and hold any people together...I've lost interest in making friends in class.. somehow I just feel that since they're so absorbed in their damn cliques, then they can stay there and rot, for all I care. I'm sick and tired of trying to conform myself... trying to change myself just to make friends with these people. I'm quite jaded, so I'll use this as my philosophy. If they think they're too high and mighty to associate with the likes of me... or that I'm just another stupid guy... well I couldnt give a rat's posterior about them either. Truth is, I couldnt care less. Perhaps if I felt that you are a nice person by nature... I'll hate you while liking you. If I feel that you're a disgusting person, I'll just hate you. And not care about you at the same time. That simple.

I tell myself that... but sometimes, I feel a little sad and disappointed that it has to be this way. But then I remember the jibes...and cruelties and indifference... and my heart hardens again. I might be outgoing and pleasant enough... but I have a dark side too....and every time I go to school the light dims just a little bit more.

About school stereotypes. Well I guess everyone's guilty of branding other people by school. Every time you say "hey isnt that the [insert school name here] guy/girl?" you're branding someone. Somehow people have a set idea about how people from various schools are supposed to be like...what they're supposed to do... how they act or dress. I found out to my great displeasure that people generally hold Chinese High students in pretty low esteem. They all seem to think we're a bunch of communistic slaves who don't know a word of proper english. We're portrayed as ugly looking ah bengs who spend 1/2 the time in the toilet preening our hair. Absolute nonsense. I'm sick and tired of people thinking that. Take the GEP batch for instance. We're from TCHS, and many of the values we hold dear, like self-knowledge, serving the community, and self-improvement, have come from here, we're not quite "cheena". Quite the opposite. We're pretty much conversant in English... far more than we are in chinese. Or hokkien. And speaking of GEP. Why do people think either A. We're supermen/superwomen who can do anything or B. Stuck up muggers. We've done nothing to encourage the thought. But somehow the impression lingers. I've talked to people who had no idea about GEP, no idea I was from the programme, yet could tell me what GEPpers are like, that we're arrogant and holier-than-thou. Imagine the surprise when I told them that I was one of the "holier than thou arrogant GEPs". I found it amusing and infuriating at the same time.

Come to think of it, GEP is a great program. Firstly, you get to meet people who can think on the same wavelength as you are, on the same level. Nothing's more frustrating than trying to talk with shallow, stupid people who obviously have no idea what you're talking about and obviously doesn't care. Secondly, we get to meet people we'll know for a long time. By the end of the programme, I've known some people for 7 years. Thats a mighty long time... about half my life. And somehow we just stick to each other easier. Thirdly it's likely that we'll end up in the same few JCs/sec schools anyway... so the heartbreak isnt so bad when it's time to say goodbye.. cos you'll likely be seeing these people again.

Ah well, my bitching for today isnt so sad and depressing. Probably just my anger and bitterness speaking...I'm sure I'll continue slaving to glue this excuse for a class together...when I stop being pissed with them. This is for you, yingcow...at least you can get angry, not sad....

You're still my sun and stars.





Hi everyone. Today....

First, some comments.

Mak. Yeah i'm boliao. Sue me. I mean I'm terribly serious sometimes, too serious for most people's liking, so I have to balance it out somehow. I spend so much time in school...and you have to be serious when there's so little laughter and so much work to be done...in so little time... So being boliao is just a way for me to exercise the other side of my nature: the stupid and boliao side. Happily, I have people like you to try it on =P.

Yinghao: I'd luv to watch Reloaded this week... but heard there's no chance in heaven or hell we're gonna get tix this week..so...I propose... next Saturday. All of us, how about it? It'd be really fun... and we can do stupid things like pretend to fall backward or we can copykiat ourselves 100 times =P. Msg me or tag me with ur answers k...

Alec, Jik, Kiat, Mike: Scourge is pretty nice...lots of fun cards and powerful cards....Are you guys going for prerelease? Oh wait... Jik is going, Alec has bowling...Damn...Tell me ok... And if anyone else of u plays magic and reads this stuff, just tag or msg me k?

*deep breath* Ok lets get down to business.

I didnt go out today. And I feel so bad for not joining the guys.... promise I'll make it up to you guys sometime, alright? I'm so sad that my Dad's pretty tyrranic and despotic..but at the heart of it I tink its just cos he cares....so I try not to get in his way...when I can.

Anyway,
4O was the best... even with erm... less people than it should have... Ur right Andre, I feel that we're the most bonded class. 4M is pretty close too... but I think we win cos they study more, so less time to crap arnd and bond. The times we spent on the soccer field were pretty good... Still remember the time when I collided into Yinghao and he rolled around abit and got kinda dazed...or almost unconcious would be closer =P. And the time we beat 4M 8-0. And the game where just about everyone scored a goal..it comes back easily. And when we have fun talking about Gwee's ironing board... or buying lemon tea and slacking around in class...

How I miss you guys. How I miss those days....

Somehow, I just feel like I'm not really close to my current class. I've really tried very hard... I talk to people when I can....I have lunches with them....I volunteer to play the Angel-Mortal game again... and I try to help them when I can... but... it's not working at all... I dont feel like the people there really give a rat's posterior about me, what happens to me, or what will happen to me.... Maybe it sounds selfish, always about me... but when I'm in class... there's no me.. I just give all my time to them... and that''s so tiring.. I just want to give up. I've been bruised and burnt and smashed around too much to care about them anymore. If tommorow a meteor crashed into the Earth while were in school and the world was ending, I'd run back to find Mike or Alec or Jik or anyone from 4O. I dont want to say my last words to these bunch of unworthy people. I don't want my last few seconds to be wasted on people who don't give a damn. I mean its understandable when people form cliques, but when the only people they ever hang out with are in the clique, and when the class is divided into 3 different sections in the small LT.. you start to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. Class spirit is a fantasy...What class spirit? I'm drifting away from them...

Maybe 4O was just too good...maybe I expect every class to be just like that. Maybe I'm setting my expectations a little too high...After all... I cant expect every class to be so good... But sometimes...I hope...and pray to no God in particular, that I could just rewind time... It doesnt matter if everything happens the same way..just that it I get to live it again.

So many people in Hwa Chu are just so shallow sometimes... they cant see past the bottom of their books, or underneath the skin of other people...They only want to spend their time absorbed in their precious little lives, not giving a crap about what happens in the world, how much misery is going on around them. They dont care about their friends enough to even do little stuff like ask how he/she is doing, or if there are any problems... And they like to set their little sights only on Singapore...blinding themselves to the rest of the world...simply cos they're not involved in it. This is apathy...in all its "glory".

I'm beginning to learn a new sensation now...hatred. Where once I only disliked people for a while...It's turning and twisting into hatred.. and not the raging type... almost the cold calculating type. And I begin to scare myself... I never believed I could dislike anyone so strongly... but now I cant deny it from myself...I find myself shunning people...Being so cold...Sometimes I even feel like giving them a piece of my mind... But i never take direct action...Am I truly craven? Just too scared to speak my mind? And if you're wondering who I dislike...I cant really say online. Ask me in person and it's likely I'll tell you... But I can tell you now that I dont hate boys. Cos at least they dont try to hide and play games with your mind. Everything comes out of the mouth. To the face. And somehow, even if they really upset you, it's so much easier to forgive. I dont know how I can forgive some people now.

And after reading Jik's entry last night, I felt inutterably sad. I never knew my Grandfather... both of them... I envy people who have grandfathers... at least you have more people who you can share your experiences and thoughts with... more sources of wisdom... I'll never know... and that makes me sad... I'll never know what its like. And my grandmothers... they're not getting young... They're reaching 70... and time is running out. I hardly see them nowadays... I reach home so late.. and I leave so early. And what precious time is left is spend doing homework... while their lives get shorter and shorter...and when time runs out..........

My grandmothers were always quite close to me... they taught me lots of stuff...How to speak...How to behave...How to think...And I admire them... It takes a great deal of endurance to live so long... when your bones are creaking and cracking and you get all sorts of diseases and health problems...and you get weaker and weaker until you dwindle to a pale shade of what you once were...and accept it calmly. I'm thinking of stopping life at 17... but they have seen half a century and are still going... They have strength where I do not, and somehow that impresses and surprises me. My paternal grandma is falling ill so much...I can feel time slipping like sand through fingers....When my dog died, I thought that life was fragile... and I realize that our time on earth is so short... I was in silent tears when he died... And I dont know what I'll do when my grandma....

Be happy that you have parents, too....Not many people know this...but my parents are divorced.... It happenned some time ago... and I dont usually conciously remember it... but sometimes, when I feel sad, I remember that in front of me and my sisters, they're amiable and happy... but in reality they're like strangers... unrelated... and I don't know what to think. I dread the day when they finally get sick of the masquerade and force us to make a choice...Mother or Father... I can't choose...and I dont think I will ever want to choose...yet I know that someday I'm going to have to. Meanwhile, when I see them talking at the dinner table...I have to wonder....what's going on in their heads... And everytime they argue....I wonder..is it time to make the choice?

Life is sad.... and sometimes I tink the only thing keeping me going are other people... I cant find any reason for me to live for myself anymore...

Thanks everyone... I made it through another day...

You're still my sun and stars...but do you know who you are?





Hmm for some reason Mak tells me I don't update my blog. That's just wrong. I update it as often as I can.(i.e whenever I get online)

I've got nothing much to say about today, actually. Its pretty crappy when there's nothing to do, no one to do anything with, and too much time to do it with. Its just bad when you have nothing else to do during lectures except stone. No I dont count paying attention as an option. What's there to pay attention to when the teacher's just ranting on and on about trigo graphs we could have drawn last year? Nope. Its just boring. But I sit there anyway, more's the pity.

On a side note, my drawing and writing's improved a great deal. I hone my skills during lecture. My lecture notes are literally peppered with sketches and drawings. I've become quite ok at it... and I'm sure I'll get even better, seeing as this cycle will continue on for the rest of the two years here... Ah, at least something good might come out of it. If I do fail my A levels, I can at least say I have some kind of talent. Hahaha.

Since there's nothing much to talk about about school, lets just talk about what went on AFTER school. Yeah, life starts after school. Went out with Jik and Mak, as usual. I never tire of company. So we trudge along to Yoshinoya, @ PS. We're just sick of Taka. And the one at PS is cleaner anyway. Anyway, we kinda spend out time commenting on Mak's orientation and "intentions". Dont ask what. Then he tells me I'm getting very vulgar. I totally agree. The world is a lousy place, and I'm getting tired of it. Oh yeah and I spend too much time with these 2 people. Bah. Have to reverse this trend. Oh and here's a quote.

Mak: "You must learn from my example"
Me : " Are you joking? I'll become half the man I used to be."
Jik: *giggles*

Draw your own conclusions =P. So we have our rather lame lunch. Mak spent time deliberating if he should upsize his meal. Actually, I dont see much difference... and you have to pay 1 extra buck. Don't upsize at Yoshi man. And we have some stupid fun trying to prise the stupid miso soup lid off the bowl. It sounds easy, but it's not. It's tuff as hell. Don't believe me? Well I'll laugh at you when you spill it all over your tray =P.

After lunch, Mak, being the "half-a-man", decides that we should go window shopping. Hoping to relieve our extreme boredom and need for "bumming around", we dutifully tag along. Don't deny it Mak. You're...not....male... We had a good laugh when he stepped into the male toilet =P. Anyway, we see this small little fair with all these inspirational posters. Feeling dumb, we decided to look anyway... and end up spending 20 mins. Some of the posters were really nice. I even bought 2 of them. One with some nice trees and one with the dawn on it.Pasted it on my wall again. I'm running out of space...I have like 5 posters.... too bad I like beautiful things =P.

Oh and we saw our former fac princess Cynthia. Surrounded by 5 SA guys. They stare daggers at Jik when we give the slightest indication he recognizes Cynthia and vice versa. Hmm very weird. Something must be going on here...

Then, after finishing our window shopping(mostly looking at girls' stuff. Thanks Mak.), we decide to walk to cine to join Alec. Good exercise. He scores a whopping 170 points today. Grats. Knew you could do it. Then we went home....sigh. Does my life suck or what?

Still unhappy with people in my class... Most of the people actually...I don't know what's going through their brains and hearts....if they even have any...sometimes I really doubt it. And somehow the situation is not getting better, even after all this time. Then again.. as I've told Mike...I expect a lot of people, but at the same time expect little from them.

Ah well, its ok... at least there are people keeping me going. People who are worth living for, for a change. You know who you are....and I appreciate you guys. and girls.(many more guys, for some reason).

You're still my sun and stars....





Today...

Let's see.. First period. GP
Owyong comes in and promptly gives us our essay. Various expressions of disbelief or annoyance or sad resignment blossom on everyone's faces as we realize that we HAVE to do it after all. I raise my head in dejection, looking at the topics for the essay, expecting another pile of crap.
As I expected,

1. The mass media is not to be blamed for violence and decay of morals. Discuss. *snort*
2. Man is his own greatest enemy. *yawn*
.............................
My eyes start to glaze over...but just at that moment... I see IT.

6. Pain is important. Discuss.

Suddenly, my eyes light up. I didnt even have to think. I just went straight into the essay.. (this is for all the people who have called me a masochist. =) )
I wrote four pages.. And I dont tink I wrote enough... After all, pain is pleasure, right ? ;)

After GP, its PE. I cant believe my unbelievably crappy luck when Mr Lok( Lock?) comes up to us and tells us those who failed NATFA have to retake it...*groan* My feet are unusually heavy as I trudge over to that lousy old track again. Wish Jik good luck as he goes sprinting for his D. Unbelievably, I manage to stick behind him for about 4 rounds. Then,I, being the fat slob that I am, start to lag behind. Sigh. I keep going, seeing that some girls are going to beat me. For some reason, it just makes me run faster... That and the fact that I'm about to fail. Starting my last round, the teacher screams 12.00 and I start going to overdrive, seeing that I have exactly 30 seconds to pass.... I nearly slow down and lag at the end... then I hear some heavy male breathing behind me.. I chance a glance and horror of horrors! I see THE ONE(aka Johnathan Wang) right behind me... Where the threat of NS and extra PT have failed, he succeeded. The second I saw him, I just started running my ass off, screaming incoherently and throwing myself forward like there was no tommorow. And there might not have been... Happily, however, I managed to stave off the attack long enough to cross the finishing line. Phew. End up 11th... Pretty good... but I still failed. Darn.

After recess, which is after PE, the class zooms off to econs. Actually... zoom isnt the word.. More like limped. The 2.4 took my legs off... Maybe rushing wasnt such a good idea after all.
Anyway, we gave an inward groan as we see Chong standing in the classroom. Apparently Visara is back for some vengeance. She gives Andrew the usual killer eyes. Somehow, he has protection from black, and remains unscathed. (only magic players will understand =P). Sigh... Ms Tan's stint was over... trainee though she was, I thought she was better than Chong.

Then comes chem. Ooi walks in 20 mins late, as usual. Our loss...not. We were about to open the champagne, but then she saunters into class, not a hair out of place. So much for being absent. The only thing that was absent was her brain. She then goes on to the usual ranting about how we're gonna fail our promos etc etc etc. Well, that may be true, but when we have a teacher that comes in 20 mins late every lesson, its kinda expected. Yawn. She then goes on and on about balancing equations, eventually pinpointing a few unfortunate souls to go up and give the answer. No one bothers to write the correct answer, as no one cares. The bell rings. She lets us off 10 mins late, due to her own incompetence. Then we get scolded by Mr Pang for being late. Of all the stupid....

And Mr Pang just sucks. He reminds me of Mr Phor, same expression, same stupidity and same annoying sarcasm. He continously takes jibes at us and makes a lot of noise about "continuing when you all shut up". Wow. Somehow that doesnt seem to work. Wonder Why. We get let off 10 mins early... Christmas came early this year.

And the day drones on till 5.05. When I finally get released from Chinese. I hate it. The teacher is brainless and autocratic, beauracratic, dogmatic and needs to be shot with an arctic.Hahah reminds me of how long it's been since I played CS. Arrive for Entrepreneur club meeting, only to realize its almost over. Almost faint on the floor...

After that, me lec and Jik sit around playing Magic. Waiting for Mak. The fool tells us he will meet us at 6...then appears at 7 asking what we were doing. I almost felt like throwing my deck at him. Then I realized his skin is too thick to suffer any lasting harm =P. Anyway, somehow we meet Weili and Doug. Doug wearing his grey uniform. He then tells us to go to coro to eat. Unanimously, rude finger signs are pointed at his face. He then tells us he has 5 bucks left. Stupid guy. Must be him and his girlfriend la... Its only tuesday, for crying out loud. And he has 5 entire dollars. Or -$7. Cos he owes Jik 12. oops. Bad times. We then troop off to BK. Despite the best efforts of the guys to avoid getting blasted by my zer powers, it is futile as their food arrives 5 minutes after they order it... while I calmly sit down sipping DIET coke. Yes. DIET coke. Don't snigger. You cant run or hide from the powers of zer. Only hope someone else takes one for the team. hahahahah.

Zer.